Hi friends! It’s been so long since the last time I posted on my blog that I even forgot the password! Fifteen minutes later, and I’m finally in this familiar and loved space where I’ve shared so much of myself (the good, the bad, and the fashionable).
The business that now takes up all my time was built on blogging, so I will always go back to it. Even still, I struggle with the feeling of wanting to share everything on this platform and also nothing at all.
If you follow me on any social media, I’ve mentioned a few times how my nanny left from one day to the next, without a warning. It was a sad moment. I was flung into a situation where I was managing MAB full time and the home full time. For 2 years I had an awesome nanny from Tuesday through Saturday. She washed the boys clothes, kept our home neat, and would do school drop offs/pick ups. And I could focus on work, blogging and building my business during the day! IT. WAS. FREAKING. FANTASTIC. I couldn’t have done it without her (or my mom, or my husband.) It really takes a village.
Since she left, I have placed Mateo in part-time Pre-K, which means I have at least one boy, if not all 3 boys with me at all times. The only times I am kid-free now is when I’m on-site for gigs (and nana or hubby take over).
I thought I was cool the other day and took Levi and Mateo to the post office with me. You know…a quick trip. Well, there was a smallish line, but I really needed to pick up a check. The boys thought it was the perfect time to make a scene. They started chasing each other around me. Laughing. Yelling. Fighting. Running into other adults. MAKING A SCENE. I must have turned beet red. I asked them to stop. Pleaded. Separated. Nothing. Finally, I got down on one knee, looked them straight in the face and used my mad “I’m not playing” voice: “STOP IT! Right NOW!” The kind of voice that makes other adults a little uncomfortable.
I learned two things: Never take your 3 and 4 year old boys to the post office when there’s even a hint of a line. If you have to, make sure to have something you can bribe them with. Lollipops. A phone. Mickey Mouse…..WHATEVER YOU HAVE!!! GIVE IT TO THEMMMM! Aye.
On those days, I feel like MOTHERHOOD is kicking my butt. I feel like I’m no good at this mothering thing. Like I can’t even DEAL. (Read exasperation here.) And I ask, “Lord, whhyyyyy did you see it fit for me to be a mom of these 3 little humans?” Not sure I can get this right.
But other days, like today. Where I made them a home cooked meal of chicken and rice, and Levi still said “I don’t LOVE that food, mom!” and Mateo spills half of it on the floor while he runs around like a madman. On days like today, where I sat there anyways patiently and made sure they ate every last bite (this can take an hour!). And then cleaned up the kitchen, and baked cookies for them (Pillsbury, just FYI), and bathed them, and prayed with them before bed.
On days like today, I am reminded that yes, sometimes motherhood kicks my butt, but other days I am winning too!
A little throwback to Easter with the “primos”